I would love to see film, television, and social media do a better job of portraying families like my own.
Growing up in a family where someone has special needs has been a challenge. Not because of the person with disabilities, but because of the way we are looked at and defined by society. We are not a family; we are a family with a special needs child. Yet that’s not how we see ourselves.
I would love to see film, television, and social media do a better job of portraying families like my own. I think it would go a long way towards acceptance and inclusion. Shows like “Speechless” and TikTok accounts showing a person (who can’t even give their consent) being exploited is not right, it dehumanizes both the person with the disability and the family dynamic around that person.
Many shows have tried to either include families with a member who has a disability or have been about that individual. Mostly, they’ve done really bad jobs. The person with the disability is often defined by that. The one show that does an excellent job of showing what it’s like to have a sibling with a disability is ABC’s “Stumptown”.
“Stumptown'' is based on a series of graphic novels by the same name. The show is about Dex Parios (Colbie Smulders), an Army veteran with PTSD. Dex is strong, assertive, and funny despite a complicated love life, a borderline gambling problem, and debt. She uses skills acquired in military intelligence to become a great private investigator. Unfortunately, her sarcastic, brash, unapologetic style and clear sense of justice puts people off and and makes her a target for hardcore criminals. At the same time, her penchant for bending the rules means she is not quite in alliance with the police.
When the series begins, Dex lives with her younger brother Ansel (Cole Sibus). Ansel has Down Syndrome. Eleven years before the series begins, Dex returns home from Afghanistan to find her brother in a home and her parents gone. She immediately seeks custody of her brother. During the turmoil of her everyday life, Ansel has been her constant. She looks out for him, and no matter what life throws her, he is her first concern. However, the writer’s don’t hit you over-the-head with this dynamic of their relationship. Life doesn’t stop because of Ansel. The story doesn’t spend time highlighting all of the aspects of Ansel’s Down Syndrome. When the storyline focuses on Ansel, it discusses his desire to grow-up, learn basic life skills, find a girlfriend, or - in one episode - outsmart and escape a kidnapper.
Ansel moves out in one episode. Dex is destroyed. People who don’t have a family member with special needs might be surprised. They might assume that she would be happy to get rid of her brother. She was crushed. I got it. I was devastated sitting on my sofa next to my mother and my brother (who happens to have two brain malformations) watching the show. I may have looked at my brother, Spencer, and told him not to try that with me. Shows like “Stumptown” are important. It shows the true dynamic in families like mine. Do my brother’s issues affect our lives? Without a doubt. Is every waking moment consumed by thoughts of and reactions to said disability? No.
This is what life with a special needs sibling is like. Not about outsmarting the education system to get needed services (although these battles are fought), or shaming people for not understanding the hurdles one might face. It’s about love, accomplishments, celebrations, and outsmarting the occasional bad guy.
Seriously, if you have not watched this show, please go check it out on ABC and Hulu. It might not be appropriate for your younger siblings, but it’s a great show. And if the fact that they do an amazing job with inclusion doesn’t get you, Dex Perios is a strong character who is able to hold her own in the inevitable fights associated with streetwise detectives on the little screen. Television not your thing? Then check out the graphic novels the show is based off of - they’re also enjoyable.